I could write a whole book on

getting ditched.
It should be called "Getting dressed, then Getting Ditched" or "Getting Ready for Nothing" or "Waiting... 4 hrs. later. 'Fuck'!" or "Why'd you tell me you'd take me, then?" or "Your Call Has Been Forwarded to an Automated Voice Message System" or "Unanswered Texts"

The Cycle:
-Makeup
-Clothes
-Sit
-Listen to Music
-Wait
-Continue to wait
-Text
-Call
-No one answers texts or calls
-Post angry shit on facebook and blog
-Wait some more, in case
-Realize there's no such thing as "in case"
-Engage in self-hatred for not having a driver's license
-Wash Face
-Take off clothes
-Lay in bed
-Computer
-Netflix, or TV
-More Music
-(occasionally shots of tequila, and crying)
-See the uploaded facebook photos of everyone there having the time of their lives
-Scream Fuck The World
-Remember why I want a better life
-Remember that I'll Never Get it
-Fuck.

Confession:

I have not engaged in sober kissing since I was fourteen years old.

Harsh

Optimism Peace the fug OUT!

i tried to be optimistic and positive and open for SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long. Peace out to that. Everyone in this world is selfish. Everything each individual does is for personal gain. There is nobody in this world who genuinely, 100 % of the time cares for another. Fuck you all very much. For destroying me. For making me this hard bitch. That's what you've done. You can't be nice and survive in this world. It's not possible.

Good one.

Totally Understandable.

The world's way of trying to laugh at my suffering?

(In Car..Radio Playing)
Me: Kait! let's play a game! ok....
Kait: Alright
Me: ok I'll turn it to a random station, and the first thing thats said ..or sung.. will describe the thing I say before I put it on..
Kait: OK
Me: This is what ..that person.. is feeling about me
RADIO: ...I WILL NOT REMEMBERRRRRR
Kait: ohh. baby :(. OK! this is what Allen is thinking about me
RADIO: TuRNNNNnnnn UPPppp THEeee RADiiooOO!
US: hahaha
Kait: Ok! this is what carter is thinking..
RADIO: ENTERTAINMENT.
KAIT: of course! he always makes me entertain him!
Me: This is what your dad is thinking right now
RADIO: You Know All My Deepest Secretssssss
US: HAHAHhsahahahaHAHAHAHahahahh (tear) Hahaha
Me: describes him. PERFECTLY.
later.....
Me: ok! this is what i'm going to be feeling all night, when i try to sleep
RADIO: WHAT IS LOVE! (love) BABY! DONT HURT ME! DONT HURT ME! NO MORE!
US: laugh & sad face in unison
Kait: Ok! this is what i'm going to have to deal with when i get home
RADIO: You Listen to THAT BITCHhhh!
US: hahahah
Me: Ok! This is what that dipshit thought about me..
RADIO: They! Will! Not! force usssss! They will stop degrading us! they will not control us! We will be victorious!
Me: I mean... reallyy. GREAT.
Kait: oh gahh.. i'll change it.
(so she kept changing the station and it was all tragic love music.. and i was like FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. I'll just go haha)
and now i'm inside... about to take a shower... and get no sleep... so i can go get a score equivalent to that of a 2 year old on the ACT tomorrow.. for the third time in a row.

One Day?

wow, one fucking day is all it took.
We haven't even seen each other, and you're sick of me.
Such. Bullshit.
of course, it is my life.

Surreal

Me? in a relationship?
All "facebook official" & shit
Me? Him? Us?
who'da thunk?
The eternally cynical single
The most optimistic pessimist...
well? I sure didn't
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.
When life hands you a boy, you blog about him, and annoy him incessantly until he gives in.
I'm entering unknown territory, people, so bear with me.

Enormous Turning Point

i am in disbelief.

He Just Texted.. ME? First?

He just texted me, so I'm wondering if this plan is taking affect?

that other guy texted me too.
is the universe being flipped inside out? Did I miss something?

life goes on?

Well, you know it's going to take me FOREVER to get over this.
like, I will continue to dwell on it for months, and then years.
And you don't even have to think. You don't have to give a shit with your
cigarettes,and your hoodies, and your inarticulate texts that a 2-year old could write. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
I wouldn't be surprised if you die before you turn 20, and don't think that doesn't tear me apart. You needed me, but you were too childish to realize it.
I loved you, and I cared.
You took, and gave nothing.
But, you know what... you don't fucking deserve it. Me. My time. Or, my words.
And, the day that you realize that, and it hits you so hard that it knocks flat on your ass on the cold concrete. That is when my smile will rise up again.

WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

officially broke me. I am beyond repair.

What The Fuck

is wrong with me?

I cannot move on... no matter how hard I try. I can't. You're a drug. It sickens me, and I know that you couldn't give 2 shits about me. This is really making me mentally and physically ill. I hate you so much. I told you all there is to tell you, and It's like talking to a brick wall. I'm crushed. You have torn me apart from the inside out. you ripped my heart out and dragged it from the back of the car you are driving illegally. I love you so. fucking. much. you made me happy. Then you left. Then you fucked up my life.

i know i'm relentless, but this is my outlet

24/7

SUNDAY:
MONDAY:
TUESDAY:
WEDNESDAY:
HIM..ALWAYS:

:|

We are making no progress.
You're mean.

Hi

i love you. I care about you. What don't you get? I'm a good person. I'm genuine, I swear. I don't even know you, but I'd take a huge stab for you. I'd take bullet. I'd take a fucking samori sword for you! i'd do anything. You look like an alien? well you are the most beautiful alien i've ever seen. Why don't you love me too? You know i'd do anything for you! You know i'm like MAXIM hott? right? I'd fucking kill a whole entire generation for you, and I'm a peacemaker. I go to group hangs. I go to places i don't even feel comfortable. And i do it all to see your face. Because it's comforting. Because I love you with all of me. Because When i see you're face, i see this inevitable, uncontrollable, glow around your head, like you are a king or something. WHY!? idk i wish i knew I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! for not even caring a little fraction of how much i care for you... or not even putting a fraction of AS MUCH EFFORT AS I PUT IN FOR YOU! I WILL LAY MY FUCKING BEING DOWN.FOR WITHOUT YOU, I AM WORTHLESS.

Boxcar Racer

because i need you more than you need me
because i want you more i know

because we move too fucking fast
i think i really had to wish to make this last i know

i'm sorry please forgive me, believe me if you would

because i cared way more
because i really felt that you felt so much more i know

celebzies

Celebs I’d hook up with:
1. Bold the names of guys you’d definitely get with.
2. Italicize the names of guys you might get with after a little persuasion.
3. Leave the guys who you’re not attracted to.
4. Strike the guys you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole.
Rupert Grint ---strike
Samuel L. Jackson lol
Hayden Christensen
Ian Somerhalder
Shia Labeouf
Patrick Stump
Hugh Grant
Colin Firth
Billy Zane
Leonardo Di Caprio
Chris Brown ---STRIKE---fuck no! haha i don't like getting beat
Vin Diesel
Paul Walker
Ryan Sheckler
James Marsden
Simon Cowell
Joe Jonas----strike
Pete Wentz
Bradley Cooper
Elijah Wood
Tobey McGuire
James Franco
Nick Jonas
Emile Hirsch
Tom Welling
Kanye West
Ryan Gosling
Jason Segel
Orlando Bloom
Michael Trevino?
Matt Lanter
Johnny Depp
Paul Rudd
Bill Hader
Justin Timberlake
Kevin Jonas ----strike! i dont need to push him farther in the closet
Zac Efron ----STRIKE!
Robert Pattinson
Jude Law
Matt Prokop
Daniel Radcliffe
Christian Bale ---i'm scared
Corbin Bleu
Taylor Lautner
Ed Westwick
Justin Bieber
David Henrie
John Stamos
Kevin Smith
Shane Dawson
Jon Gosselin---strike
Davedays
Ricky Martin --gay
Ben Affleck
Jared Leto
Chris Pine
Brandon Flowers Evan Peters
Gerard Butler
Ashton Kutcher
David Beckham
Danny Jones?
Kellan Lutz
Chris Evans
Jonathan Rhys Meyers?
William Beckett?
Eric Dane
Kris Allen----strike
Chris Colfer---gay
Adam Lambert --gay
Jared Padalecki
Hugh Jackman
Russell Brand
Robert Downey Jr
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Brad Pitt---not post-angie
Channing Tatum--- his body, not his face
Levi Johnston---STRIKE! VOMIT.
Nicholas Hoult
Hunter Parrish
Owen Wilson ---strike, sorry owe!
Chace Crawford
Matthew Morrison
Chris Cornell
Pierce Brosnan
John Mayer---STRIKE. ew
Penn Badgley
Milo Ventimiglia
Tom Delonge(times a million) (i love you)
David Archuleta---i'd feel like i'm raping a baby elf
Michael Buble
Ryan Reynolds
Adam Levine (only in 2004)
Jeremy Sumpter
Luke Pasqualino
Jake Gyllenhaal
Ben McKenzie
Drake Bell
Adam Brody
Joel Madden
Logan Lerman
Adam Lazzara?
Craig Owens?
Zach Braff
Trace Cyrus ---strike
Bruno Mars ---strike, your not amazing
Johnny Knoxville
Micheal Jackson ---i'm not a necrophiliac, or a macaully culkian
Prince ---strike, he wears assless purple suits
Paul McCartney
Josh Hutcherson
Jason Earles
Criss Angel
Tom Brady
Nikki Sixx
Matthew Perry
Alexander Skarsgard
Teddy Gieger
Shane West
Ryan Seacrest ---strike
Paolo Nutini
Adam Sevani
Jim Sturgess
Jon Bon Jovi
Gerard Way
Stephen Colbert
Justin Long
Enrique Iglesias ---strike
Jonah Hill
Mitch Hewer
Snoop Dogg
Barack Obama ---illuminati, hypocrite
Chord Overstreet
Cam Gigandet
Cristiano Ronaldo

This is what it has come down to

drinking. at home. alone. and finding funny youtube videos. to pass the time.

I've officially fucking lost my mind

WHAT THE FUCK! my mind is GONe!, i'm not even a person anymore. i mean there are BILLIONS, fucking BILLIONS!, of people in the world! WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY! why in the HELLLLLLLL am i alone? this world is made up of houses and streets and buildings ALL FILLED with other human beings, whyyyyyyyyyyy are they not here. why have i not met them. why don't they know me. why don't they give a shit. i cannot be alone anymore. honestly, i used to be great with it. used to it. but then this one day, i just walked outside, and i introduced myself to the world. and i was soo vulnerable. and i gave EVERYTHING i had to give. and i recieved nothing in return after i drained myself of generosity. and now, all the people are gone, and the only voice in my head is my own, and there is this music blaring and it's the only thing keeping me alive right now, besides the obvious, brain, heart, lungs, all that shit. i am waiting, i have been waiting, its all i do, and now theres fucking water in my eyes again, and i'm trying so hard to let it dissolve and not fall down my face, or i'll just break, i'll crack, just crumble and become dust, and some fucking rich ass housewife can hire a fucking maid to wipe me up with some mr.clean or a swiffer duster or some shit. my brain is hurting me, my heart is hurting me, my lungs are so strained, my skin is bruised, and my muscles are mangled, where the fuck is everyone? i keep calling and sending out messages and fucking smoke signals and i'm getting no response. i refuse to live like tom hanks in castaway again, because i dont even have a fucking fed ex box with a volleyball in it that i could wipe my blood from my hand on, creating a face, and a name, like wilson. why am i the only person in the world who is so consistently ALONE. I Live for these people, but they aren't paying attention and it's really taking a tole on me.

I MISS BLINK 182 :(

iVictoria

To me, you are the one spark of light in a dark world, like this mystical life-line.
To you, I am an object, a tool that you use for this artificial feeling.
I try so hard to make you feel, to make you see me, to really know you, to help you live the best life you possibly can, and not self destruct
But, you don't give me the chance. All I do is give, until i'm merely a fraction of a person, and I wait, and I wait, but you never remember to care.
I REALLY care about you, about your well-being,your happiness, your life
But, you don't. You never speak. I can't keep doing this, but I can't stop myself, and I can't wash this out of my brain because these things are real, and they happened, and pound in my brain all day until I drive myself insane. All I am is love, so why am I constantly being thrown away.I don't think I can take being ripped apart anymore, the particles are so smashed that they barely fit together. I fake this smile so hard, but this water still overflows my eye sockets. I don't know why I'm so drawn to you. You are so different from anyone. or maybe I'm just stupid. You make me stupid. I don't think you've ever asked me a question. You have no desire to know me, at all... and all I want is for you to explain why. I need this, because wondering is pain. You fuck with my head, and it kills me. My whole life feels like a disease. like a moribund. You were on the fucking floor. I fell asleep next to you. And, woke up, and You were on the fucking floor? Am I a disease? Am I a fucking lepor, and I'm just unaware? I just want happiness. Love. A fish out of water really is a metaphor for my life. Struggling to breath, unable to do anything, looking absolutely pathetic. I want to go to fucking lunch. Can we just go somewhere, ALONE, and sober, and enjoy each others company? I don't see what's so hard.

Which of the bold faced lies will we use?
I hope that you're happy,
you really deserve it,
this will be the best for us both in the end.

But your taste still lingers on my lips
like I just placed them upon yours
and I starve
I starve for you.
But this new diet's liquid
and dulling to the senses.
And it's crude
but it will do.

Which of the standard lines will we use?
I've been meaning to call you.
I've just been so busy.
We'll catch up soon.
Let's make it a point to.

pussied out, what else is new

i say, fuck you (fuck you)
get a life (get a life)
man i got to much shit on my head
to have to deal with all of you

fuck you and the horse you road in on

"What is it?"

"I can’t tell you"

"Ugh! Fine!"

"I want to tell you that I like you.
But, I can’t tell you that can I?
I want to tell you to forget about him...
he’s a great guy, the best,he’s my brother in everything but blood, and you two are good together, but I still want you to tell him to fuck off and be with me.
I want to tell you that since the moment I met you, I can't even get your face out of my brain
But, I cant tell you that.
That all I want right now, in the world, is to take you away with me
no him.
no here.
no this.
just us.
if just for a day, ya know?
But I cant tell you that.
I mean... you cant make me.
What kind of a person would I be if I went and told you something like that?"

(:{O)

Can't Stop

WTF!

...and the paranoia heightens... of course this would happen to me.

On My Own

Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers..

ALL MY LIFE I'VE ONLY BEEN PRETENDING!
Without me, his world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness that i have never knowwwwwwwwwwwwnnnn!

FACEBOOK takes HOLLYWOOD

these geniuses, and their billion dollar enterprises
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

You learn something new everyday

wow

numb. in a hammock. first time i ever had to give cops my information. first time i ever posted a video of my own written song on youtube. is this a quarter life crisis? oh... and my hamster was put to sleep and buried in my backyard today? so what does it all mean?

Sooooo...

I just found out that my brother's girlfriend, mother of two, by two different padres, is a stripper...@ this place...
Wow...my life.

If you're the shit, than I am sewer rich

New Obsession!

Lucas Neff! and Raising Hope, the pilot was awesome!

BFF :)

I wanted to steal him and take him home with me. He is PRECIOUS!

Fragments

"One day you fall for this boy, and he touches you with his fingers, burns holes in your skin with his mouth, and it hurts when you look at him, and it hurts when you don't and it feels like someone's cut you open with a jagged piece of glass, then you realize you've always felt that way."

When Life doesn't give you lemons,

Doesn't it fucking suck

When you misread a text, seeing... Shit, We'd be good together

When it really says the Outhouse costume and Holy Shit would be good together

Call, Call, Call, FUCKING Call! ACKNOWLEDGE!

You are killing me. With each passing moment my mind wanders, and all psychotic imagery ensues, and gangster raps are underneath the pen in my hand, again. You are not busy. You are careless. I know. I've always known. But, it doesn't make this hurt any less. Acknowledge me. I'm sick of waiting, and I always have been. But the millions of words and phrases that fill my head, all describing you, cannot be said to your face, out of fear. What the fuck are you doing? What are you waiting for? What are you thinking? I caught a glimpse of humanity, of character, and feeling. But now that I'm chemical-free, you are gone, and back to being a shell of a human.I cannot ever tell what you're feeling, but I know it's not even a fraction of what i am. I have to do all the work. meet me half fucking way for once. Or better yet, YOU do something! OR at the very least tell me you want nothing to do with me, it'd be better than leaving me in the dark.

take a look at me, now

How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ohoo
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
'Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain,
and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now,
'cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now,
'cos there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
and that's what I've got to face

So, Life, Right now

I wanted to be with you alone
and talk about the weather
But traditions I can trace against the child in your face
Won't escape my attention
You keep your distance with a system of touch
and gentle persuasion
I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much
Oh, you're wasting my time, you're just, just, just wasting time

Something happens and I'm head over heels
I never find out till I'm head over heels
Something happens and I'm head over heels
Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart
Don't, don't, don't throw it away (Throw it away...Throw it away...)

I made a fire and watching it burn
(yeah) Thought of your future
With one foot in the past now just how long will it last
No, no, no, have you no ambitions, oh
My mother and my brothers used to breathe in clean air
(Nothing ever changes when you're acting your age)
And dreaming I'm a doctor
(Nothing gets done when you feel like a baby)
It's hard to be man when there's a gun in your hand.
(Nothing ever changes when you're acting your age) Oh, I feel so…

Something happens and I'm head over heels
I never find out till I'm head over heels
Something happens and I'm head over heels
Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart
Don't, don't, don't throw it away

And this is my four leaf clover
I'm on the line, one open mind, this is my four leaf clover

WTF just happened!!!

me? the asexual?


WHAT THE HELL, alcohol does strange things!

Woahhhhhhhh!!!! im legitimately amazed!

This would be

A rockin' tat

Life:

Why Am I Making Raps?

I cracked that case,
Nancy Drew
My Kryptonite,
the things you do
I'm-so-sick
I'm in love with you
Clip-is-thick
they won't fuck with you
My-word-is-true
You-know-it-too
The-funny-thing
you're all i do
The Birds all sing
when you walk through
and you have wings
that lift me up
Three-Kings
I'll gift you up
An-Y-Thing
that you want
I-will-ne-ver
put up a front
Hon-Est-Ly
I'll care for you
'Til your old,
Orthopedic Shoe
Floor-you-walk-on
I'm Be-neath you
E-ven if you
where nee-dle boots
you aim, I'd shoot
I'd go insane, for you
AAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDD
if you said I do
We'd Honey-moon
in par-a-chutes
and go to space
then
buy a place
some-where on mars
the sky,
We'd count the stars
and
We'd fly ho-ver cars
And-the-world
would be ours

and-if-this-does-nt-happen-then-i'll-die-for-shar

Lil Veezy?

High School isn't life, and life isn't bad RAP

You think you’re indestructible
bitch you’re a fucking Huckstable

full house
chew you up
spit you out

you got it dude
then change of mood
you are their food
their very shrewd
the things they do

Are insane
They feed off of your brains
and drink your fucking pain
won’t stop ‘til
every last drop
is drained

It’s all for the show
once the candle’s lit
they begin to blow
They swallow
until you’re hollow

yet
too heavy to shake it,
you can’t fake it
do not take shit
if you can’t make it

they find new friends
alpha ..omega,
The beginning, now the end

I’m okay with new friends
until I’m non-existent
no, I won’t be forgotten
I’ll fall to my shins
rejoice
I have a choice
and I choose life
I live through the strife

and I will survive
head first, I’ll dive
I may look dead
but I’m alive
won’t stop climb
-ing
pop pills like candy
Mars is my oyster
So high, till’ I’m landing
summer nights are dandy
Danny and Sandy
and I’m still standing
And he
pressed fast forward on my time
when the fuck’d you earn that right
I don’t owe you a fuckin dime
broke my open heart that night
at ten behind the dumpster slime
fight that ends all fights

kids these days
fuck with your head
turn this road into a maze

someday the bell gone clang
so get recruits for ya gang
‘cause it’ll end with a bang
He said

You’re so pretty
one week later
you’re smotherin’
me


one week prior
your heart was on fire
now it’s under the tire

one month later
I love you, want you back
but he don’t wanna date her
just lie her on her back
and she needs him
like crack
total mind fuck
now she totally wacked

She passes out at the after party
Her boyfriends dick get hardy
He’s out fuckin wit marty
then tries to blame Bacardi

but then he fucks wit Melanie and Stephanie
all while you are fast asleep

so you say fuck friends
but
he won’t stop pursuing them

He’s running that whore house
you are the door mat
then you let him back in your house

you’ve declared the war, troops
mind runnin’ circles ‘til it’s sore, loops
medulla pours into your throat, soup
now you’re trapped in a cage layin’ his eggs, coop

all of these conspiracy
theories
making the mind grow weary
continuously
turning thrilled people dreary
fearing Big Brother is peering

well, I Have God up above me
fucked up way of showin it
but, it’s obvious he loves me

He guards the gates, I’ll guard my key
fuck the Cyclopes eye
I need two eyes to see

a triangle is three lines
not some evil motherfucking, power-seeking sign

Mayan calendar can end,
but mine’ll go on
best believe I’ll ascend

two-oh-one-two
I’ll still be growin’ up
swift wind won’t sweep me out my shoes

Live, and let live
we all die one day
Don’t forget, but do forgive

my advice to you is, pray
I guess that’s all I had to say

just let me fasten up my jet pack
I’ll be on my way