if everyone were honest, "weird" would be meaningless and unheard of

I take showers when I feel like nothing can cleanse me of the events of the earlier days. I take baths when i need complete escape of the outside world. I lay in the fetal position, as if i were in the womb of my mother, hearing nothing of the outside, just the slow flowing of water and the beginning stages of my working organs. I hold my breath and go under the water... the parents fighting, the tv's on in every room, the dogs barking, and the back door shutting all go on mute, and i am suddenly in a different world. All i can hear are the breaths i am taking, and my heart beat increasing and then slowing. It feels good to escape. From the girls, who mistake themselves for women and lose all self-respect. From the girls who could make me post FML's all day long for the insults they fling my way. From the tests i am constantly taking, and passing, and failing. Sometimes i just wish we could stop, and take this one test, the test of honesty, writing down what you have learned from personal experiences and the experiences you've seen your peers go through, being raw and uncut. number one to five...state five of your biggest insecurities. number 6 ... list all the virgins you know, because as for the rest, well that list might leave absolutely no room for the next questions. number 7 ...state the things you would do to get the hottest boy you've ever seen. number 8...list the things that you've already done to win that boy over. number 9...list the things you did to yourself when that boy forgot who you were. number 10... list the number of people you know who have died of natural causes in the last 5 years...number 11...list the number of people who have died of un-natural causes in the last 5 years...number 12...list the number of times you have been betrayed by friends...number 13...list the number of times your friends have lied to you for their own satisfaction...number 14...list the number of medications you've been through over the last year...number 15...describe your life in 3 words.


but if people finally decided to FACE FACTS, then they would all be clinically depressed...

so for those of us who do, let us keep up with our meds

and for those of us who don't, continue to live in denial, because the day you have no room left in the file cabinet of contradictions, you will be far past the point of a cure, no medication in the world can dull the pain of being buried in a shallow grave of your own defiances.