i'm right here right now

Sometimes when i'm somewhere i either really want to be or don't want to be at all, I just stop thinking of what's going on and say to myself i'm here, right now, and it's going to be over in a little while and i'll never be here again. Like one moment you're at school and it's a friday and you're like i'm here right now and this is what i'm doing, and it paralyzes you. You go brain dead for a second and you are speechless and all you can think is this is where i am and i'm just this person inside this body and have no control over it. Then next thing you know you are out doing something with your friends and you look back at that moment, you see the exact picture of the time you were saying to yourself "i am here right now." Then suddenly in a flash it's the next year and you're doing something different and you look back at that moment, what seemed like so long at the time, but you realize how short it really was now. One time i was in a grocery store with my friend's little sister and i was looking for chicken. As my eye spotted it, the thought came to my head. I still remember that. It's really weird. And once you get that whole concept in your head you begin to understand the whole perception of space and time and you begin to see yourself as just one of the billions of life forms in the world.

i now realize how much i sound like i just got high, and this is a meaningless conversation i would have with the person next to me

but, this is just me, no drugs attached, sadly.

"I have tasted freedom. I will not give up that which I have tasted. I have a lot more to drink. For that reason, the political numbers game will be played. I know the rules of their game now and how to play it."

"If I turned around every time somebody called me a faggot, I'd be walking backward - and I don't want to walk backward."


“If a bullet should go through my head let that bullet go through every closet door.”



p.s. i am in love >

sisters, and segel, and so on

Well, exam week has finally come to a much needed close. My sister came home today with three boxes of food that she won't let me have one scrap of but is not at all reluctant to scarf down all of my tiramusu! My obsession with jason segel is growing, and i must see i love you, man fairly soon. I was late on my shots when i went to the pediatrition today(which i assume i am going to be going to for the rest of my life instead of to a real hospital) and my mom didn't hesitate to nod her head at the notion of 4 shots in a row for me today...immediately after i downed a shot of motrin. I also had to get a tuberculosis test in which they stick a needle shallowly into your arm and inflate your skin with liquid, making it resemble a bubble, and expect you not to touch it. Oh, and i got a physical. This all because my mom got me some bunk ass job at the hospital for service hours, which i need 20 of by march 31st. If procrastonation was an olympic sport, i'd be a frequent gold medalist. I am patiently waiting the arrival of the movie Adventureland. "And, well that about covuhs it" ( in stewie voice).

remember my name

"This is ten percent luck,
Twenty percent skill,
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will,
Five percent pleasure,
Fifty percent pain,
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!"

if everyone were honest, "weird" would be meaningless and unheard of

I take showers when I feel like nothing can cleanse me of the events of the earlier days. I take baths when i need complete escape of the outside world. I lay in the fetal position, as if i were in the womb of my mother, hearing nothing of the outside, just the slow flowing of water and the beginning stages of my working organs. I hold my breath and go under the water... the parents fighting, the tv's on in every room, the dogs barking, and the back door shutting all go on mute, and i am suddenly in a different world. All i can hear are the breaths i am taking, and my heart beat increasing and then slowing. It feels good to escape. From the girls, who mistake themselves for women and lose all self-respect. From the girls who could make me post FML's all day long for the insults they fling my way. From the tests i am constantly taking, and passing, and failing. Sometimes i just wish we could stop, and take this one test, the test of honesty, writing down what you have learned from personal experiences and the experiences you've seen your peers go through, being raw and uncut. number one to five...state five of your biggest insecurities. number 6 ... list all the virgins you know, because as for the rest, well that list might leave absolutely no room for the next questions. number 7 ...state the things you would do to get the hottest boy you've ever seen. number 8...list the things that you've already done to win that boy over. number 9...list the things you did to yourself when that boy forgot who you were. number 10... list the number of people you know who have died of natural causes in the last 5 years...number 11...list the number of people who have died of un-natural causes in the last 5 years...number 12...list the number of times you have been betrayed by friends...number 13...list the number of times your friends have lied to you for their own satisfaction...number 14...list the number of medications you've been through over the last year...number 15...describe your life in 3 words.


but if people finally decided to FACE FACTS, then they would all be clinically depressed...

so for those of us who do, let us keep up with our meds

and for those of us who don't, continue to live in denial, because the day you have no room left in the file cabinet of contradictions, you will be far past the point of a cure, no medication in the world can dull the pain of being buried in a shallow grave of your own defiances.

Sick&Tired

you will regret what you do, but i will do nothing for this progression

i doubt you will ever get your priorities straight

you're childish and need to grow up, it's time

i really hope one day you will learn who really cares for you, because you haven't yet... and i fear you will, and it will hurt you, and it will be far too late for us

your naivety will lead to your downfall

needed my lonely island fix

" we like sports and we don't care who knows ..from wimbledon to the astrodome.. we like sports and we don't care who knows..football football football tennis hockey golf..now when i say sportz you say nutz SPORTZ NUTZ SPORTZ NUTZ now when i say cheating you say sux CHEATING SUX CHEATING SUX......we're real men and we like sports if you say that we don't then we'll see you in court i'm team captain and i choose you..i'm the other team captain and i choose you too..we steal the ball and we're off to the races, then scare the other team with our mad dog faces like WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT!"

well, on a different and darker note..

i have approximately 77 sex offenders within a 2 mile radius of me.

&they ain't pretty

confessions of a slumdog

Today i had to get my movie fix. I saw confessions of a shopaholic and slumdog millionaire. It was a win/win, because I enjoyed both movies for entirely different reasons. When we got in the second movie, my mother claimed her seat was "broken", and that it didn't "rock right". I told her i would switch seats with her. Apparently, my seat was also "broken." We switched rows about ten times, because i guess everything was a problem for my OCD mother. As the people in the theater stared at us making a scene, i told her that i would not move again. We finally settled, and began watching slumdog. The beginning was confusing, but it's one of those movies where you have to wait to go look back at each aspect of the earlier events until you understand what's going on in the present. Luckily we didn't run out the theater, or we would've missed the custom Bollywood Dance at the end, that looked less Bollywood, and more N sync. The movie itself was amazing though; sad; made me appreciate things more. Confessions of a shopaholic was more like one of those "cute" movies, not intriguing, nor upsetting; just one of those movies that you walk out of and say that was "cute." I personally enjoyed it, but i'm a big Isla Fisher fan.
I completely forgot about the Ponchatrain Center Homes Show, and i'm really craving the meatballs they hand out. There's a Harry Potter marathon on today, for anyone who's a fan of the wizards. I can't stop thinking about those adorable little slumdog kids! I want one!

chow for now
XO XO GOSSIP GIRL

ahhh just kidding, it's just me