I could write a whole book on

getting ditched.
It should be called "Getting dressed, then Getting Ditched" or "Getting Ready for Nothing" or "Waiting... 4 hrs. later. 'Fuck'!" or "Why'd you tell me you'd take me, then?" or "Your Call Has Been Forwarded to an Automated Voice Message System" or "Unanswered Texts"

The Cycle:
-Makeup
-Clothes
-Sit
-Listen to Music
-Wait
-Continue to wait
-Text
-Call
-No one answers texts or calls
-Post angry shit on facebook and blog
-Wait some more, in case
-Realize there's no such thing as "in case"
-Engage in self-hatred for not having a driver's license
-Wash Face
-Take off clothes
-Lay in bed
-Computer
-Netflix, or TV
-More Music
-(occasionally shots of tequila, and crying)
-See the uploaded facebook photos of everyone there having the time of their lives
-Scream Fuck The World
-Remember why I want a better life
-Remember that I'll Never Get it
-Fuck.

Confession:

I have not engaged in sober kissing since I was fourteen years old.

Harsh

Optimism Peace the fug OUT!

i tried to be optimistic and positive and open for SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long. Peace out to that. Everyone in this world is selfish. Everything each individual does is for personal gain. There is nobody in this world who genuinely, 100 % of the time cares for another. Fuck you all very much. For destroying me. For making me this hard bitch. That's what you've done. You can't be nice and survive in this world. It's not possible.

Good one.

Totally Understandable.

The world's way of trying to laugh at my suffering?

(In Car..Radio Playing)
Me: Kait! let's play a game! ok....
Kait: Alright
Me: ok I'll turn it to a random station, and the first thing thats said ..or sung.. will describe the thing I say before I put it on..
Kait: OK
Me: This is what ..that person.. is feeling about me
RADIO: ...I WILL NOT REMEMBERRRRRR
Kait: ohh. baby :(. OK! this is what Allen is thinking about me
RADIO: TuRNNNNnnnn UPPppp THEeee RADiiooOO!
US: hahaha
Kait: Ok! this is what carter is thinking..
RADIO: ENTERTAINMENT.
KAIT: of course! he always makes me entertain him!
Me: This is what your dad is thinking right now
RADIO: You Know All My Deepest Secretssssss
US: HAHAHhsahahahaHAHAHAHahahahh (tear) Hahaha
Me: describes him. PERFECTLY.
later.....
Me: ok! this is what i'm going to be feeling all night, when i try to sleep
RADIO: WHAT IS LOVE! (love) BABY! DONT HURT ME! DONT HURT ME! NO MORE!
US: laugh & sad face in unison
Kait: Ok! this is what i'm going to have to deal with when i get home
RADIO: You Listen to THAT BITCHhhh!
US: hahahah
Me: Ok! This is what that dipshit thought about me..
RADIO: They! Will! Not! force usssss! They will stop degrading us! they will not control us! We will be victorious!
Me: I mean... reallyy. GREAT.
Kait: oh gahh.. i'll change it.
(so she kept changing the station and it was all tragic love music.. and i was like FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. I'll just go haha)
and now i'm inside... about to take a shower... and get no sleep... so i can go get a score equivalent to that of a 2 year old on the ACT tomorrow.. for the third time in a row.

One Day?

wow, one fucking day is all it took.
We haven't even seen each other, and you're sick of me.
Such. Bullshit.
of course, it is my life.

Surreal

Me? in a relationship?
All "facebook official" & shit
Me? Him? Us?
who'da thunk?
The eternally cynical single
The most optimistic pessimist...
well? I sure didn't
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.
When life hands you a boy, you blog about him, and annoy him incessantly until he gives in.
I'm entering unknown territory, people, so bear with me.

Enormous Turning Point

i am in disbelief.

He Just Texted.. ME? First?

He just texted me, so I'm wondering if this plan is taking affect?

that other guy texted me too.
is the universe being flipped inside out? Did I miss something?

life goes on?

Well, you know it's going to take me FOREVER to get over this.
like, I will continue to dwell on it for months, and then years.
And you don't even have to think. You don't have to give a shit with your
cigarettes,and your hoodies, and your inarticulate texts that a 2-year old could write. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
I wouldn't be surprised if you die before you turn 20, and don't think that doesn't tear me apart. You needed me, but you were too childish to realize it.
I loved you, and I cared.
You took, and gave nothing.
But, you know what... you don't fucking deserve it. Me. My time. Or, my words.
And, the day that you realize that, and it hits you so hard that it knocks flat on your ass on the cold concrete. That is when my smile will rise up again.

WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

officially broke me. I am beyond repair.

What The Fuck

is wrong with me?

I cannot move on... no matter how hard I try. I can't. You're a drug. It sickens me, and I know that you couldn't give 2 shits about me. This is really making me mentally and physically ill. I hate you so much. I told you all there is to tell you, and It's like talking to a brick wall. I'm crushed. You have torn me apart from the inside out. you ripped my heart out and dragged it from the back of the car you are driving illegally. I love you so. fucking. much. you made me happy. Then you left. Then you fucked up my life.

i know i'm relentless, but this is my outlet

24/7

SUNDAY:
MONDAY:
TUESDAY:
WEDNESDAY:
HIM..ALWAYS:

:|

We are making no progress.
You're mean.