sicky

well, my mardi gras holidays have gone down the tubes. I've been really sick for the past few days. I went to my pediatrition today(yes, i still see a pediatrition) and she informed me that i have walking pneumonia. I haven't eaten in days, and have had fever for the last 3 days. To top it all off school starts in just a couple of days. I am falling apart. I feel like shit. WHY ME?

sex and the city season 1 understands me

"puberty is a phase, 15 years of rejection is a lifestyle"

ME+MARDI GRAS= LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP

there is nothing worse than drunkenly standing in the middle of a mob of highschool kids, watching them hang all over each other, watching how quickly they move from one person to another, and realize in this moment, in the midst of all these people having drunken conversations around you, that you are alone, and nobody loves you.

SO highschool

The saddest thing possible to watch is the thing, or things i see everyday. Oh, highschool girls and their highschool drama. It's like don't let anybody hear one word that comes out your mouth because they are listening and watching like the paparazzi and just waiting for their moment to twist your words, or just make up some of their own. They love to make front page news. oooh gossip, they live it, they breath it. They say words like "best friends" and they want to hear all your secrets, they are trained actors people, do not be fooled. They are so good at what they do. They find two people who have been in an honest friendship for 12 years, and they slowly swivel their way inbetween the two of them. They take one to parties, and dress her up, and treat her as their little doll. They make the other trust them, they pretend to have feelings, ACTUAL FEELINGS! hah! They are tape recorders, they take your words, say NOTHING of their own, and play the tape backwards and twisted for all the pretty dolls to hear. Then, probably when it's too late, you realize the "friends" are really barbie dolls, with tape recorders, then the barbie dolls become chuckie dolls. Anyway, you get the point.

It never ceases to amaze me, the way these girls don't all just want to be open, to be honest, to be REAL, and HAPPY.

I guess they like watching other people feel pain, and they'll keep liking it...

until they feel the same pain themselves.


Please, GROW UP.

blah,blah, puh-puh-poker face

Everyday i wake up in hope of some miraculous phone call from my school saying, we just don't have school today, all the teachers came down with mono. Everyday, when that call doesn't come i put on my ugly ass scottish kilt-style uniform, let the dogs out, and pack my lunch. Some days, when i feel i have no tolerance left for a school that dresses itself up in an alb, and calls itself a "catholic school", when in reality it is just a place for teenaged girls who lost their virginity in the 8th grade to stare at different boards all day filled wih words that they will never appreciate or understand, I tell my mother I'm not feeling well. I'm not a liar, I really don't ever feel "well." When I feel "well" I'll let you, and my mother both know. When i get home from "sluthell", I make sure i get all my homework done early. I want to get all work out the way before I fall into my pretend, and more suitable life. I get on the computer for way too many hours out of the day, it sickens me, it's an addiction, a habit, a pathetic way of life. Sundays I watch desperate housewives. Monday i watch gossip girl. Tuesday i watch 90120, privileged, fringe, and nip/tuck. Wednesday, as of right now, is my Television day of rest. I pick up on Thursday with Grey's Anatomy. Friday, i get to catch up on everything i missed and laugh at The Soup, and Chelsea Lately. You see, the technological world that we live in is my only escape of the lack of excitment in my own life. Some days i wish i had lived in the 40s, i just picture everyone with their red lipstick and high wasted skirts, before any decent technological advances, a time when some things remained shocking or taboo. In today's world, 13 year old mothers and fathers walking around, holding babies with heads as big as their own, is no longer a shocker. Everyday there is a new picture on the internet of some disney star's vagina. We have become so used to old horny men talking sexually to 12 year old boys on the internet, that we made a show to catch them, all for our own amusement. We live in a world where babies fuck. We live in one sick world. When we find just one moment of innocence in a day, just one spark of genuine happiness, we forget the pedophiles, and the fucking babies, and the media, and in this one moment we appreciate this world in which we live.

when all i have is myself, it scares me

all work and no play makes victoria a dull girl.

Obviously unoccupied

well, I obviously have enough time on my hands on vday to fit in another blog. I know i'm pathetic, but who isn't at some point. I went to the cheesecake bistro with my sister and her gay lover. Does that make me a vagina block? Anyway, we were going to play this singing game on wii, with all these selena gomez, demi lovato, and aly & AJ songs, all of whom i hate, but i'm just in the mood to sing very loudly. I have about 50 pages of the book I'm writing finished, so once my life actually gets interesting, i'll hopefully have more to write about. My parents left me alone for a week to go out of town, then came back for a week, then left again for two more weeks. I survived my first of the second batch of weeks alone, without ending up dead in an ally way. i've gained over 10 pounds from last year, which disgusts me, and i weigh 11 more pounds than my older sister which disgusts me even more. I'm sorry that i love food so much. I'm also sorry that I'm the least active person you'll ever meet. Did I mention how much I hate valentine's day. It's extremely depressing paying 40 dollars for your own meal on this day.
This picture... v

made me want a rat really bad.
I already have a chihuahua that sort of resembles a rat... He's my son, I treat him like a son, I love him like a son, and I spoil my son. When somebody treats my son badly, I defend my son. Do not cross my son.

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day, as you all know. What is Valentine's Day anyway? This is just a day that lives for making single people feel ashamed. You get your candy from your mother, and a card that says to my daughter, saying some ridiculous words on how you should be happy today. You know I'm not going to be happy today. This is why My Bloody Valentine 3-D was made, for those single people to go to the movie theater and see some guy's "valentine's" body parts fly all over the audience. It helps us cope. On a different note, I've done a few things this week that I'm not proud of. I saw someone that I could see myself with, but I seem to see those people a lot, just once, and then It is gone and you can't remember whether it really happened or you just imagined it. I am one of those people who is ALWAYS single, for some reason or another. It's not that I'm not open to a relationship, it's just that everyone in this town is exactly the same, and it has become nauseating. Well, I will say "happy valentine's day" to those people that actually celebrate it, those people that actually love one another, I'll say it to 2 people i know who have on this date, been married for 25 years. So, Happy V-day Mom and Dad. And for the rest of us, don't consider yourself unwanted, don't be ashamed, just consider yourself as someone with higher standards than the rest, who tend to settle. Consider this to be a day of celebration of not settling, and being in a meaningless relationship that just complicates things, and changes you. Just be you. Just eat a lot of chocolate. Be a happy, fat, singular person on this day, and watch a fucking horror movie.

when you were young

it's strange to think about when you were younger compared to who you are now. When we're younger, we always feel the need to look older, act older, and be older. You see the girl talking about her boyfriend, and see her with a cigarette in her hand, and wish that you could just move up 5 years in 5 minutes. When we get older, we see that the girl was talking about how her boyfriend cheated on her with a freshman, and she pulls out a cigarette because her friends got her hooked on it a week earlier. You see your friend that you used to play board games and watch nickelodeon with, trade her dolls for boys, her suckers for cigarettes, and her juice box for a a bottle of vitamin water spiked heavily with vodka.You see the friends that you had over for sleepovers get distant, and trade your friendship with them for one drunken excursion to a highschool party.When we get older, when we can finally see, we wish we could give it all away, just for our childhood back. we want the innocence back, we want to see the innocence of our peers back, we want to see less wrinkles on our parents, we want to see our old dog chase after a flash light & pet her fur again, we want to reverse the moment when our brothers traded their nintendo for a bong, but we can never go back. The moment you turn thirteen, it's like watching the beginning of the deterioration of your childhood, and soon enough you'll see the last wisp of innocence disappear in a quick gluiding breeze. The end is near. The end is nearer than you think. we needn't think about the end. that is key. the end.