My So-Called Life

I really wish this show could've ended with some closure. I find so many aspects of my life in it.

"What I like dread is when people who know you in completely different ways end up in the same area, you have to develop like this combination view on the spot"

"what's amazing is when you can feel your life going somewhere, like your life just figured out how to get good, like that second"

"I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact that - that people - had sex. That they just *had* it, like sex was this thing people - *had*, like a rash. Or a - a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem like, pornographic or something. Like, Mrs. Krysanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimsky. They both have sex. They could - have sex together. Like right now. "

"I am, like, the *sickest* person"

"Walking into someone else's house for the first time is like entering another country. Not that I've ever been to another country. "

project time

Got the creative juices flowing with A Tay today. Were coming up with a killer script. Very strange and most likely offensive, but it's my new baby. I'm hoping this works out. We're polar opposites on the spectrum, but equally fucked up. Brain Child, i hope you come out without complications!

All I want to do is scream...and stop time

It's 2:04 am, and I have to wake up at 6:00 am for school.
My Hamster is loud, and relentless, and located next to my ear.
My brain won't stop thinking and asking me how I'm going to make it through another day.
My mother and sister never came home, they are on a movie shoot and won't answer their phones.
I am worried and wide awake and scared what tomorrow will bring and tired of the same routine.
My father is sleeping, but he's a light sleeper, and can probably hear my relentless hamster. He has to wake up for work in an hour anyway.
I hate chemistry, and the fact that I am expected to do things that my brain simply can't comprehend.
I hate that there are smart students who find things easy that I can't sit still long enough to understand.
The smart teacher doesn't understand that I can't function.
She doesn't understand that I am so intimidated by her and her impossible tests. She doesn't understand that when she looks at me like I am the most disgusting and uneducated person on this earth, a piece of me dies inside.
I hate being alone in my head.
I'm not ready to be on my own in this life.

Inspiration through my veins

Waiting

I continue to wait for life to get interesting. If I could use one word to describe a majority of my life, it would be waiting. Waiting for an amazing moment that will rule out all of the bad moments. Why is it that the person you want to notice you the most, is the one that probably never will? I hate that inevitable feeling of never being good enough. I'm as mentally judgemental towards others as they are towards me, and I know that i am not a first choice kind of girl. I'm flawed. I constantly see pictures of these people who are perfect, or perfect enough. They are beautiful, funny; have everything. Then I see pictures and videos of people who would be considered "ugly" or mediocre. And I can't help but think, how in the hell are people created EQUAL!? There are people who have it so good and others who have it horrible. I'm in the inbetween. Mediocrity is a way of life.

Fuck DIz

i just wrote the longest most heart felt blog of my life and pressed publish, and it said it did not work, and i pressed back and it was all gone.


FML

so here's this,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jshmDL9UzsE

Disappointment: a way of life

"Our Best Successes often come after our greatest disappointments"
"Your always a little disappointing in person because you can't be the edited essence of yourself"
" When you stop putting faith in humans, disappointment ceases to exist. In fact, you tend to laugh at their nature. Just don't forget you're one of them."
"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."