Floating

My mind is constantly and frantically contemplating, thinking, dwelling, and searching for new and improved things to dwell on, and new and improved ways to contemplate and think about those things.

I always feel like I am just floating around in life.
I'm never in a stable setting, and I can't control time.
I could get out of bed right now, at 5:00 am, and walk out of my front door into the rain and darkness, walk until I find myself in a new setting where I can actually do something that can make others and myself feel actual emotion toward, and happiness about, and the moment in which I did this would be captured and remembered.
But, this is reality. My brain and insticts tell me that If I walk out of that door I know that I could potentially be putting myself in harms way, and getting myself into situations that I am inequipt to handle. And, no matter how far I walk, I will be tired and run out of energy before ever stepping foot out of this town. And, this would actually require me exerting energy, which my laziness would never allow.
So in my actuality, I will stay in this bed, watch youtube until 6:30 am, while looking at pictures of Marlon Brando in some other tab, and quoting his movies on my facebook statuses in the last tab. I will fall asleep at 7:00 am, and sleep until 6:00pm the next day, or rather evening. I will wake up and repeat the lazy summer cycle, until some daring friend of mine gets worried after weeks of unanswered phonecalls, and decides to call my house phone. At this time my parent will pick up the phone, explain that I'm in the bathroom, or sleeping, and get the message to me that someone called 3 hours later. At this time, I will pick up the house phone, call this friend and explai to them that my phone has been dead and I've been too lazy to stick a cord in it that will nurse it back to health. This friend may invite me to do SOMETHING (ANYTHING)(MOVEMENT!) and I will either make up an excuse because I'm in no state to be seen by human eyes, or I will accept.

I am afraid of the unknown, and an utter mess altogether.

But, when I walk into my backyard, descend into the swimming pool, take a deep breath, allow my lungs to inflate with air, and I float half above and half below the water.........

worries fade, screaming stops, all I hear is calm, and all I see is beauty.
In this moment I appreciate LIFE. I am so dazed by the exquisiteness of the trees and sky above me, that I forget how hard it is to go through the motions of humanity, and remember how easy it is to smile and be completely tranquil and consumed with joy. When you feel and see how gorgeous the earth can be in this moment, you see being here in human form a gift, rather than a burden.

and this... makes me want to get up, and do SOMETHING!