A 2007 Philosophy reminded me WHY i write

Life is the most confusing all things, at times we fight for it, other times we give up on it, It can last longer than expected, or can be ended in a second of complete spontaneity. The people who you love hurt you or make you feel on top of the world inconsistantly. Some people can walk into your life for a day, and change everything, your whole perspective. Sometimes, we do the right thing, knowing the worst is to come, because we are good people. Sometimes we make the wrong decision for one second of genuine happiness even though we know it will raise hell. The good decisions make us wise, and the bad make us learn. i don't think anyone fully understands the concept of it, or why bad things happen to good people, i sure as hell don't. Life is still a gift, far from perfect, yet the few moments that reach as close to perfection as possible and happen when you least expect it are what we live for, at least what i live for.

downward spiral

I've been good for the past year. I have honestly been okay. But,
Now, everything is wrecked. I don't know when or how it happened.
I have not felt this useless since I was a naive little freshmen and a stupid sophomore.
My timeline of good ranged from Junior year, august-november.
I actually had a hint of self worth, then.
Now I lay in my bed, tears pouring from the outer corners of my eyes, streaming down my temples into my ears.
I honestly, could not name one good quality about myself anymore.

When things are even looking up in the least bit....

Some Stupid Self Created Thing Comes And Crushes It All!

HAPPINESS IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.

creepy inclination

You know that feeling you have, when you're drunk.
You see an absolutely beautiful person, and stare at them, until they notice.
And once they notice, they are massively creeped out.
But you don't even care because you feel as if you are out of your body, and nothing can touch you.

STRESS FEST '10

exam week is upon me.
I get out my number 2 pencil, and lodge it into my brain.
i think, i drag every little essence of the fragments of lessons i've learned for the past nine weeks out of my head and ship it to my right hand which transfers it to paper. I color in small bubbles in lead. I leave pieces of sawed off eraser sprawled across my desk. I get out of there as fast as I possibly can, just to do the same thing again the next day. There is no break in the trauma-rama after this week. Life doesn't give you breaks, especially when you need it the most.

My So-Called Life

I really wish this show could've ended with some closure. I find so many aspects of my life in it.

"What I like dread is when people who know you in completely different ways end up in the same area, you have to develop like this combination view on the spot"

"what's amazing is when you can feel your life going somewhere, like your life just figured out how to get good, like that second"

"I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact that - that people - had sex. That they just *had* it, like sex was this thing people - *had*, like a rash. Or a - a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem like, pornographic or something. Like, Mrs. Krysanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimsky. They both have sex. They could - have sex together. Like right now. "

"I am, like, the *sickest* person"

"Walking into someone else's house for the first time is like entering another country. Not that I've ever been to another country. "

project time

Got the creative juices flowing with A Tay today. Were coming up with a killer script. Very strange and most likely offensive, but it's my new baby. I'm hoping this works out. We're polar opposites on the spectrum, but equally fucked up. Brain Child, i hope you come out without complications!