Today, or (tonight) I was the average teenager. It was an "out of body" experience, considering i am closer to being a 60 year old woman, than a teenager. I am always awkward. I never am aquainted with anyone. Somehow, once the alcohol takes a few laps through your blood, you become comfortable doing just about anything. There's always that little aspect of you that is still there, saying " what the fuck are you doing, you worthless sophomore." The alcohol is very successful at blocking most of those voices out. It's sad, you know, getting drunk, just to feel like you are worth something; just to slur instead of speak eloquantly; just to fall over as you walk; just to blend in with the drunken, naive teenagers, as you are an old woman drinking in the body of a 15 year old. No matter how good or bad I feel during the night; it will always be sad as you go home ALONE and EMPTY-HANDED, as I always do. When you are home, in your bed, writing while you still have a buzz; it all comes down to -I am the same girl as I was when the night started; alone and unhappy. The alcohol flowing through your veins causes you to be truthful, and i have to type that truthfulness to a computer; because saying it to a human will ruin their high; they don't get it, you are 60 and they are 16.
damn it, take your pills, swallow them with water, throw away your, now, beer-flavored gum, and drink another enormous swig of water to clear you of your impure(teenaged) thoughts, so nobody can tell in the morning.
